This is one of the first times in my life when I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to feel. On one hand, I am so blessed. To have a man that loves me and to be creating a near perfect world with him. On the other hand, I have never faced so much trial and sadness in such a short amount of time. In the last twelve months I’ve experienced numerous tragic deaths, I’ve witnessed an incredible amount of unfaithfulness resulting in the shattering hearts of the people I love, and to put it lightly my family has slowly fallen apart right in front of my eyes. I am sick to my stomach, yet I am almost numb. Here I am striving day in and day out to just BEGIN my life while simultaneously everything I’ve ever known seems nowhere to be found. The world around me is unfamiliar. No amount of change in your life can prepare you for a crumbling foundation. The only thing I can think to do is unidentify myself with my earthly identifiers and realize that the only consistent thing in this world is God. That’s all I can think to do to keep me from going crazy. To keep me from turning my back on everything I’ve ever believed in because at this point in time it all seems fake. I am angry. I am confused. I am sad. I feel hopeless. I am in shock. And there is absolutely nothing that I can do. That is the worst part.
I know I am usually all sunshine and rainbows. I am generally a very positive, upbeat person. And I started this blog to give back to my followers, but I also started it as a relief for myself. And I needed to get these feelings out in the open. Life can suck at times. Worse than I thought it would. The world and the people in it may fail us…they may totally shred our hearts into pieces. But I am thankful I have a God whose love is eternal, and the same yesterday, and today, and forever. When you feel like you have nothing to lean on, just know you can lean on Him.
To Be Continued…
I’m sorry for the lack of writing these days. It’s that time of year when you feel like your plate is overflowing (in more ways than one) and because there is a limit to the amount of time in one day, something has got to give! I’m kind of at a point right now where I’ve got SO much going on in so many different areas of my life that I’m not able to give myself fully to anything. And I don’t know about you, but I’m not a fan of that feeling. I love everything that I have taken on…so much so, that a mediocre effort is just not enough for me. So, it comes down to determining…what has got to give?
But what do you do when you feel like everything you’re commited to is of equal importance? Like there is no way you can possibly prioritize because it all means so much to you?
I read an article by another blogger the other day…the name of the blog escapes me now (I’ll be sure to add it when it comes to mind). She wrote on a similar topic and provided this analogy:
Think about when you’re getting ready to go on a trip, and you make yourself this long to-do list of all things you just have to get done before you leave. Every item on your list seems so important at the time, but as you board your flight, or embark via car, surely a few items were left undone. You see, they weren’t all as equally important as you thought. You ended up prioritizing after all.
She continued by explaining that it’s the same in life. I clung to this concept, because it’s so true. Sometimes, SOMETHING has got to give. Not for forever, just for now. That’s what I always tell myself.
And unfortunately my blog has been put on the back burner…because [joyfully] family has been the focus of my attention. And that’s OKAY. I’ll be around. I just had to drop the schedule obsession and perfectionism for the moment. Luckily, I know y’all understand. This is a Lifestyle blog after all…and the spontaneous and unexpected is part of life.
See above for a little look into our trip to Michigan. We saw lots of family and even more snow! We ate and drank too much, and shared lots of laughs and warm blankets. We only won $12 at the casino, but their bacon mac n cheese made it totally worth it.
To follow along a little more closely, IG is the way to go. You can find me @coffeewithkylie. Wishing you all a blessed New Year…full of love, joy, and fearlessness!
Lipstick – Color “Alabama”
Flats – In store (DSW)