This is one of the first times in my life when I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to feel. On one hand, I am so blessed. To have a man that loves me and to be creating a near perfect world with him. On the other hand, I have never faced so much trial and sadness in such a short amount of time. In the last twelve months I’ve experienced numerous tragic deaths, I’ve witnessed an incredible amount of unfaithfulness resulting in the shattering hearts of the people I love, and to put it lightly my family has slowly fallen apart right in front of my eyes. I am sick to my stomach, yet I am almost numb. Here I am striving day in and day out to just BEGIN my life while simultaneously everything I’ve ever known seems nowhere to be found. The world around me is unfamiliar. No amount of change in your life can prepare you for a crumbling foundation. The only thing I can think to do is unidentify myself with my earthly identifiers and realize that the only consistent thing in this world is God. That’s all I can think to do to keep me from going crazy. To keep me from turning my back on everything I’ve ever believed in because at this point in time it all seems fake. I am angry. I am confused. I am sad. I feel hopeless. I am in shock. And there is absolutely nothing that I can do. That is the worst part.
I know I am usually all sunshine and rainbows. I am generally a very positive, upbeat person. And I started this blog to give back to my followers, but I also started it as a relief for myself. And I needed to get these feelings out in the open. Life can suck at times. Worse than I thought it would. The world and the people in it may fail us…they may totally shred our hearts into pieces. But I am thankful I have a God whose love is eternal, and the same yesterday, and today, and forever. When you feel like you have nothing to lean on, just know you can lean on Him.
To Be Continued…