I sometimes struggle to set goals for myself for fear of failure.
Man, that was really hard to write. Can anyone else relate to that?
So when the New Year comes around I feel a lot of hope, like anyone else, but that hope is often matched with anxiety. Will I live up to my expectations of myself this year? What if I don’t? Can I handle the failure?
I am outwardly an extremely positive person…but I too struggle with self doubt. And I wouldn’t be being real with y’all if I didn’t admit that in this blog post.
So I attended a yoga class on Saturday, December 30th, where the focus was New Year’s resolutions…and upon hearing that at the start of class, I immediately tensed up at the thought of addressing this. But to my relief, my instructor Alex was not interested in material or physical resolutions at all. She prompted us to reflect inward and recognize anything that had emotionally weighed us down in 2017. She passed out little pieces of paper and pens, and as we focused on our breathing and let our minds be still, we had the opportunity to jot down what was in our hearts. I don’t know about you, but when my mind is still, my heart speaks most clearly. I found so much relief in these few moments.
She asked, “what do you want to let go of in 2018?” And without hesitation or a second thought I wrote exactly the following.
And as I read this list following the class I thought, these are the exact things holding me back from my goals.
I can allow myself to get so caught up in worldly things, which in turn causes me to feel disconnected from my own heart. And by stressing about things I cannot control, I rob myself of the joys of life.
To quote my fiancé, Alex, in his proposal video to me “it’s a scary thing to think time can fly so fast.” And if I continue to rush from to-do list to to-do list, I might miss our entire lives together.
So, of course, there are things I want to achieve this year. I want to continue growing my blog, deepen my walk with God, and joyfully plan me and Al’s wedding. But in the stillness of my mind in that yoga class Saturday morning, I more specifically listed these few things.
Share love with others
I want to practice love, peace, acceptance, and presence.
I want to spend time with God, and love my body. I want to allow time to stand still.
And those words poured from my heart when I finally allowed it to speak to me.
So, I challenge you, before you commit to a “physical” New Year’s resolutions list, to spend a few moments in complete silence and stillness, welcome the Lord into your heart or whatever divine being you believe in, and allow yourself to discover what is holding you back, and let go of it. Breathe it out, and breathe in love and contentment.
I hope you enjoyed this little peek into my mind, and appreciate all of your support as I continue on this journey called “life.” I hope you know I am always cheering you on in your journey as well.